Like Suicide
by bluntwriter
Summary: Set after season 5. An old friend from Emma's past comes to Storybrooke bearing bad news. While struggling to deal with decades-old anger and hurt, the pain of lost loves, and pasts that follow them wherever they go, the characters of Once must decide what to do about a new enemy - one unlike any they have faced before. (Hook never came back. No Evil Queen. Slowburn SQ.)
1. Chapter 1

Riley Thompson had been through a few phases in her life. The first lasted fourteen years, and though she tried to avoid doing so, she reflected upon it often. Much of her hours spent sleeping gave way to shaky remembrances and tweaked memories of the time. Her second, the duration of which was less than half of the first, mainly consisted of anger, though much of her energy during this phase was given to the taking care of a young girl, whom she grew to consider family. The third was much like the first, involving pain and obedience, and taking place over the span of twenty-two years. The fourth phase was full of a different kind of pain than she had ever experienced, and it had only just begun.

She had seen many things in the forty years she'd been alive. She'd witnessed abuse, both emotional and physical; the Challenger explosion; alcoholism; the fall of the Berlin Wall; addiction; pointless wars; withdrawal; the rise of the Internet; death, from both murder and suicide; grown men and women sobbing. She had seen people break, countless times. She'd seen people fall in and out of love. She'd seen people grieve. She'd seen people beg. But she'd never seen magic, and she had never entertained the notion that she would, not even as a young child.

Even now, she didn't doubt that such a thing didn't exist. In this supposedly magical town, she had still yet to see it. The sight in front of her now was one she had seen many times - a funeral. People dressed in black stood before a black coffin, coming forward one and two at a time to place arrows on top of it. Eventually, people began to leave, until only one was left - a blonde woman who, even from this distance, seemed to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. A short-haired brunette stepped up to the woman, and the two spoke for a moment until the blonde was left on her own again.

Riley studied their surroundings: some trees, all devoid of humans, and many gravestones. It felt weird to be safe somewhere so out in the open, sort of too good to be true. And Riley never accepted things that were too good to be true. She wanted to get the blonde someplace else, somewhere less… open. If only things were different.

With a sigh, Riley resigned herself to a gentle approach. The blonde was fragile at the moment and would be for a long while, especially considering how jarring Riley's reappearance in her life would be.

Coming to stand beside her, as the brunette had, Riley broke the ice with a quote. "Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them." Her gaze remained fixed on the coffin as the blonde turned to look at her.

There must have been a billion thoughts going through the woman's mind, and Riley was afraid of most of them. What the blonde said next was not entirely unexpected. "You're not here. You're not really here. I'm imagining you as a way to punish myself because…" Her voice caught on its way out, and her mouth moved uselessly for a moment. "You're not real," she reiterated. Pale hands became white fists. The burn of her sad gaze left Riley.

"I know you need to think that," Riley responded quietly, patiently. She imagined the woman as a scrawny twelve year old, and words came more easily to her. "I'm sorry this happened."

Restrained anger was clear in the way the blonde held herself. "You must be sorry for a lot of things." She shook her head. "If you were real and I had the energy, I would punch you."

"I would deserve it."

The women stood silently for a few moments. Rain fell steadily and lightly from the dreary sky; the weather was perfect for the day. It was as if God wept with them. Then the blonde was younger, weaker, and she fell forward, only to be caught by the person who had let her fall more than two decades prior.

It was some time before either was able to speak; Riley felt as if her throat were swollen, and she imagined the blonde felt something similar. It became obvious she did when she croaked, "You left me." Her body quaked with silent sobs. "But you're really here, aren't you? You came back after twenty _fucking_ years."

"I'm sorry for both things. I promise I wouldn't be here if it weren't necessary."

"Fuck your promises." The blonde's voice held such bitterness; it broke Riley's heart.

Riley was not compelled to point out that she had never promised not to leave, though the thought did present itself. It was not what the blonde needed, so Riley only held her tighter.

"Why now? Of all the times you could have chosen to fucking reappear, why _now_?"

Words Riley hated to believe escaped through thin lips, "You're in danger. You and… your family. You're all in danger."

The blonde pulled herself together at the mention of those she loved in harm's way. It seemed to come so naturally to her, and pride welled up strongly in Riley's chest. "How?" The demand was accompanied by probing green-blue eyes, which were narrowed with suspicion, and crossed arms.

"The United States government knows about Storybrooke, and they consider it a threat."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This story will be updated whenever the next chapter is ready. I plan on it never going without an update for more than a week, though I'm kinda shit at sticking to plans.

Riley was introduced to people she'd read about in fairy tales and in government created files. There were Emma's parents, Snow White and Prince Charming, who went by Snow and David. They were so different from who she had imagined Emma's parents to be. She had figured anyone who dropped a baby on the side of a road would have to be insane or on some serious drugs, and had thought it a miracle that Emma turned out so great. But they were everything Emma had ever dreamed they would be, and for that, Riley was grateful.

She met Emma's son, which was almost as weird as meeting her parents. Henry was fifteen, with brown hair and eyes that held a bit more green than Emma's did. He reminded Riley of Emma when she was younger. Both seemed to have seen more than they should have and had a stubborn spark in their eyes. And they both radiated kindness.

Henry's other mother, the not-so-evil Evil Queen, was what Riley expected a monarch to be: strong, even in the face of great tragedy. The pain was obvious in her dark eyes, and yet she got out of bed, applied her makeup, and strived to be the woman her son needed her to be.

The Wicked Witch was not Elphaba, and had apparently, until very recently, been very much like the way she was portrayed in _The Wizard of Oz_. And she was the Evil Queen's sister; the two shared an also ex-evil mother. Her daughter was also the daughter of the man who had died, and Riley was told that it was a long story.

There was also Little Red Riding Hood, who was called Ruby and was in True Love or whatever with Dorothy, who turned out to be pretty badass. Ruby was the wolf in the story, though she hadn't eaten her grandmother, a woman who seemed like she could kick the ass of any wolf that tried to do so anyway.

Riley was introduced to the dwarves and the fairies and all the other fairytale characters she'd heard of as a kid. She met Rumpelstiltskin, the beast to Belle's beauty, and the father of Henry's dad, who was dead. She was told by Henry of Mulan and Merida, both badass soldier-types he thought Riley might relate to.

Only one relevant person was not talked about: the man who Emma had gone to Hell and back for. Henry promised to fill her in when he got a chance, but no such chance had presented itself yet. They were too busy preparing a plan.

"You can't fight them." Riley had been saying this since they had first began discussing what to do, but there was too much goddam hope in this town. "They can destroy the entire East Coast with _one bomb_."

"But they _won't_ destroy the entire East Coast," Emma argued. "They want to destroy one town without attracting too much attention. They have to be more strategic than that."

"Yes, and they have the best strategists in the world on their side. We have a bunch of fictional characters who underestimate the abilities of their opponent."

"Fictional?" Regina's lips pursed in disapproval. "I assure you I am very much real. As is my magic, which _you_ seem to underestimate."

"Parlor tricks won't be able to stand up against the might of the fucking _US army_. Not to mention the Navy, as you had the great foresight to put this godforsaken town right on the fucking ocean."

"I can do much more than _parlor tricks_ , Colonel Thompson. And I did not make the curse; I simply cast it."

"I'm not a colonel anymore. Stop calling me that."

Henry released a frustrated sigh, leaned forward with his elbows on the table. "Look, fighting isn't going to get us anywhere. Riley, you know their army inside and out; you know their weaknesses and their strengths. And my mom, she commanded her own army back in the Enchanted Forest. If you work together, we might be able to fight them."

Riley admired his optimism, she really did, but he was _wrong_. "We could fight them, sure, but there's no chance in hell we'd win. Like you said, I know their army, and what they've got - it makes what we've got look pathetic. Fighting would be suicide."

Archie - Jiminy Cricket, she'd been told - spoke up. "Maybe we don't have to fight or run. If we could talk to them and show them that we're not a threat" -

"They have too much to lose if they trust you," Riley interrupted, intent on getting them to see her point. It was the only way she could keep Emma safe. "It doesn't matter how harmless you seem. Kids seem harmless, too, until they blow you up. The government knows that; they've learned that lesson the hard way. They won't risk it."

For the first time since they sat down, everyone was silent. They were sat around a table in the town hall, Snow and David having called their war council to another meeting regarding what the hell they were to do. The council included Grumpy, the Blue Fairy, Archie, Granny, and the new additions of Riley, Emma, Regina, and Henry. It had been a week since Riley's arrival and an hour since the meeting began, and Riley was sure she was past the point of crazy by now. Spending all week with tougher versions of fairytale characters who thought they could defeat the US military in battle was taking its toll on her.

"Well," Snow said finally, "going home is not an option. The land was destroyed by the curse."

"Right," David agreed. "Which leaves us with no choice. We have to fight, even if we're fighting a losing battle." His solemn gaze found Riley's. "I hope you'll help us."

Riley swallowed the rising bile in her throat, gave a tight nod. As much as she hated it, she would do as they asked of her. Not only did she have nowhere else to go now that she was a deserter, but she couldn't leave Emma to die. It would be so much worse than her previous abandonment.

"We need to convince Rumple to work with us," Regina stated. "We need all the help we can get, and he is the most powerful person in town now."

"I'll talk to him," Emma volunteered. "And Belle."

* * *

Working out had become a sort of therapy for Riley since enlisting. She'd never forget what Sergeant Wells had told her once when he'd come across her having a panic attack - _If you want to be strong mentally, it helps to be strong physically._ He'd squatted down next to her, put his hand on her shoulder, and as she'd stared into his warm, brown eyes, she'd wondered if this is what she'd missed out on as a kid. Was this what it felt like to have a father who cared about you?

Wells was a good guy, and Riley thought of him often. She thought of the place she'd been in when she met him and of how he'd helped her to be a better person. He was the reason she became strong enough to make decisions with others in mind, and so, indirectly, he was the reason she was here in Storybrooke, trying to make right what she'd done to a kid a long, long time ago.

As her mind began to drift to other, darker things, Riley attempted to shift her focus to the burn in her abdomen as she performed sit-ups. The army had taught her, among other things, to discipline her mind. It had taught her both the power of thought and the importance of having power over thought. In waking hours, she was very good at avoiding painful thoughts. Though, being so close to the kid, all grown up now and with a family other than Riley, the task of avoiding such thoughts was fast becoming insurmountable.

And it was impossible - always, always impossible - to rid herself of the nightmares. The most she'd been able to do with those was stop them from causing her to wake up screaming, which admittedly was a great accomplishment. Still, it did not ease the dread she felt at the idea of sleeping.

Shaking these thoughts away, Riley pondered how she could get these characters to believe her when she said they had no chance of defeating this enemy. She ignored the pang she felt in her chest whenever she remembered that the very institution - the very _people_ \- who had saved her when she was a teenager were now the people she was meant to fight. She also ignored the part of her that wondered if she was only so unwilling to fight them because she did not want to kill or be killed by her friends.

She went over battle strategies in her head. With the limited resources and soldiers, did they stand a chance? It was difficult to imagine this would not be a small-scale version of the Civil War, that they were the South and they would lose. However, there were plenty of examples where largely outnumbered forces defeated stronger opponents.

They would have to start training immediately. If magic didn't work, the citizens of Storybrooke would need to know how to defend themselves against trained soldiers - that is, if they were lucky enough to not just be gunned down first. Was there a way to disable soldiers' weapons once they crossed the town line? If there was, shouldn't there be a way to just keep the soldiers from entering the town in the first place?

But Riley knew that, even if there was, the government would not give up. If it took one hundred years, they'd find a way to get in. And by then their army would have grown even stronger.

The town was essentially on borrowed time, Riley mused. Every moment they were not being attacked was a moment gifted to them by God.

Eventually, Riley grew tired. She had completed one-hundred sit-ups, the same number of push-ups, two ten-minute planks, too many Russian twists to count, and more. Exhaustion swept through her. She barely made it into the bed of the inn she was staying at before she fell into a fitful sleep, in which she relived the most agonizing moments of her life.

 _2006_

She'd been captured. Fucking captured! It was maddening. Where was the pill she could swallow to end this?

Later they'd continue with the waterboarding, she was sure, but for now, she sat tied to a chair while her skin literally boiled beneath the sun's hot glare. They'd taken her jacket, leaving her in nothing but a tank top. Then they'd left her out to bake.

It had been hours. She could feel her sanity begin to slip. In an effort to remain not only sane but conscious, she recited poetry, speeches, even the entire United States Constitution in her head. She replayed songs, imagined how to play them on piano, then guitar, drums. A smirk found its way to her lips as she thought of Beethoven on drums. Once she grew bored of music, she created math problems and solved them, then completed proofs on them. She even went back to check her work, because it mattered that she got them right; Riley Thompson did not do wrong. She did not make mistakes. If she were to begin to do so now, it would be a testament to how little reality she still held onto. It would be a win for the douchebag terrorists.

Such thoughts not only kept her brain from becoming mush, but they also kept her distracted. If she focused on the pain she was in and how she had a better chance of winning the lottery than escaping, she would cry. They would see her as weak; they would know how close they were to breaking her.

And the truth is, all she wanted to do was tell them what they wanted to know. She wasn't naive enough to believe them when they said they'd return her to the Americans; she knew they would kill her. Truthfully, she would welcome death with open arms if they were to offer it to her. But whenever she nearly caved, she'd remind herself that the information they wanted from her could be used to plan an attack on the states, and she'd imagine Emma. And she'd know that there was nothing she wouldn't do to keep that kid - that _adult_ , she reminded herself - safe.

Riley mentally scoffed at her inability to see Emma as anything other than that twelve year old kid who'd needed her. Emma was an adult now, probably had kids and a husband and a white picket fence. Or she was in prison, as so many former kids of the system were. Either way, she wasn't little anymore, and Riley really needed to move on.

Thinking of her situation brought to mind a stanza of a well-loved poem.

 _The woods are lovely, dark and deep_

 _But I have promises to keep_

 _And miles to go before I sleep_

 _And miles to go before I sleep_

It was almost funny - right now it seemed hilarious to Riley - how she'd spent most of her life fighting to survive and now she longed for death. No doubt her father would be laughing at her from his spot in Hell. Looking back on things, it was startlingly obvious how all of this was his fault. She wouldn't be here if it weren't for him, after all. He would be proud, she supposed, that he was still able to inflict pain on her even after death.

Voices carried through the background of her awareness. She paid them little mind, as they spoke a language she didn't know. She hated the sound of them anyway. They were probably discussing new ways to torture her or saying something vulgar about women. That's what she always told herself, at least, because she couldn't think of them as human. It would break her.

Suddenly her blindfold was ripped away. The abrupt exposure to sunlight after days of darkness gave her a migraine, worse than the one she'd already been nursing. Something wet trickled from her nose. Everything was coming in too-bright flashes. Was she having a seizure? She wished she was blind.

A man was screaming at her, unintelligible words drenched in panic. He paused, and when she remained silent, something heavy slammed into the side of her face. The chair tipped over and she toppled with it. Her skin burned as it collided with the scalding hot sand. Her hair was yanked and suddenly she was upright again.

"I don't speak that shit," she mumbled, attempting to glare at her abuser through closed eyes.

More shouting, then an explosion. Then it all went black. Her last conscious thought was, _Thank God_.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Another update! This one includes Swan Queen, finally. Also, I totally imagine Riley as being played by Blake Lively. I'd like to hear y'all's thoughts on how the story is going if you could be so kind as to leave a review.

* * *

Someone was pounding at her door, and all she wanted to do was tell them to fuck off. Grumbling to herself, Riley rose from bed, pulled on her pants from yesterday, and swung the door open, greeting the person with a scowl.

It was Henry, and Riley's bad mood fell away at the hopeful look on his face. He was too much like Emma, and it felt nice to be regarded with something other than uncertainty and contempt. Besides, even without his resemblance to his mother, the kid was good company. He was great at keeping a conversation going, his optimism was contagious, and Riley found she liked the way he dressed.

Today he'd chosen to wear jeans and a plaid button up, which seemed to be usual for him. Riley imagined it wouldn't look quite as clean-cut on another kid.

"What's up, kid?" she asked gruffly, her southern accent more pronounced in her tired state. She hadn't slept more than two hours. After the dream she'd had - the memory she'd been forced to relive - she hadn't been able to relax enough to sleep again.

Henry shoved some papers at her. She looked at him, confused, then took the papers. They looked like they'd been torn from a book. "What are these?" she asked, flipping through them. Some had illustrations on them, and she studied them closely.

"They're your and my mom's story. I wrote them last night." He pushed past her into the room and sat on her bed. He definitely wasn't shy, though considering who his mothers were, she wouldn't expect him to be. "I didn't know you were in the system with her."

Alarm bells went off in Riley's head. "Wait, what? How do you know that now?" Emma had only introduced her as an old friend, as neither had wanted to explain the full truth of their relationship. "And our story? What do you mean you wrote it?"

Henry grinned. "I'm the author. I write what happened and sometimes what's happening." His expression turned pensive. "I don't really know how it works. I just wake up and find I've written stuff."

"The author," Riley repeated dubiously. She looked back down at the pages in her hands. "I hate this town," she griped, reading them over. When she was done, she raised her eyes up to meet Henry's. He was watching her, waiting patiently. "I assume you have questions?"

Henry nodded. "The pages don't really go into that much detail. I was hoping you could tell me more." He gave her this pleading look that reminded her so much of Emma, she had to look away. "I mean, they say that you took care of her and they tell the story of how you left, but they don't talk about your time together or how you met or _why_ you left. And they really only tell it from my mom's point of view. I'm interested in hearing yours."

Riley closed the door, crossed to the window. It was sunny outside, though still too early for most of the town's residents to be awake. "Does Emma know you're here? Or Regina?"

The kid was silent. Riley took that as a no.

She turned to face him. "I should take you home."

Henry scowled. "I'm fifteen. I think that's old enough to walk around town by myself. Besides, I left a note."

Riley turned back to the window. He was right. She only wanted to take him home so she could avoid the conversation he wanted to have. "Why don't you ask Emma this stuff?" she tried.

"I don't think now's the best time to ask her painful questions. And like I said, I want to hear your side."

Riley sighed.

It was silent for a moment as Riley debated whether or not to tell him. On the one hand, he didn't really need to know. On the other, he wasn't asking all that much. He was a good kid, brave and loyal. And from what she knew, his life had kind of sucked lately. She figured if she could make him happy by just answering some questions he had, it was the least she could do. Maybe it could also help to assuage her guilt for what she'd done to the kid's mother.

"Alright, kid. You ask, I'll answer. Shoot."

Henry grinned, and Riley knew she'd made the right choice, despite how uncomfortable it made her. "Cool. So how did you guys meet?" He toed his shoes off and sat cross-legged on the bed as he awaited her answer.

Riley pulled out a chair from the desk and plopped down onto it. "Well, we were in the same group home. Shared a room. Didn't talk, though, 'cause older kids didn't mix with younger kids. Not willingly, at least. I think most older kids resented the younger ones 'cause they had higher chances of gettin' adopted. That didn't really bother me, though; I wasn't lookin' to get adopted."

Henry's face scrunched, amusing her. "So why didn't you talk to the younger kids?"

"I was goin' through a time where I hated everybody - young, old, black, white. Didn't matter. Anyway, so we'd been livin' together for about three days by the time I actually paid her any attention. I was walkin' home from - well, that's not important. So I was walkin' home and this kid comes sprintin' past me, followed by three other kids who were, like, twice her size. I wasn't gonna interfere or anything, but the alley they turned down was on my way home. So I turn down it, and they've got the poor kid pinned against the wall. Thing is, she doesn't look scared - she looks _pissed_. And they're threatening her, but she ain't backin' down. They'd make fun of her, and she'd throw an insult right back at 'em. Kid was 'bout to get her ass beat. So I stepped in, scared the punks away, and we walked home together. Walked her home everyday after that, too."

Henry smiled, but the expression quickly gave way to a frown. "She got bullied?"

Riley looked at him for a moment, then sighed. "You gotta understand - your mom was tiny. She was in fifth grade when I met her, but she looked like a second grader. And she was poor and had no adults lookin' after her. Her hair was always knotted, her clothes were too big and were sometimes ripped and faded. There was always dirt on her somewhere. And she'd have lots of scrapes and bruises. Add in her penchant for pissing people off, and she was the perfect candidate for gettin' picked on."

The teen picked at the bedspread for a bit, taking the information in. "Why'd she always have scrapes and bruises?" he asked, looking like he didn't want to know the answer.

Feeling now would be an appropriate time to stretch the truth, Riley smirked and shrugged. "Kid was clumsy."

She doubted he believed her, but he accepted that answer. "So you…" - he searched for words - "took her under your wing?"

"Sure, you could say that. I kept her safe, made sure she got to school on time, made sure she ate enough. And she - well, she gave me a reason to live. Until then I'd been livin' to spite my father, but she showed me there was more to life."

"If you cared so much about her, why'd you leave?"

Looking at a spot on the floor, Riley replied, "I aged out of the system. And I was so messed up - I was spiraling. I needed something to control me, something with structure. So I enlisted in the army."

"But what about my mom?"

Riley's vision blurred. She rose to stand by the window in an effort to keep Henry's observant eyes from scouring her face any longer, knowing her expression would betray the deep regret that burned in her abdomen. She did not like this conversation and prayed it would end soon. Through a regret-swollen throat, Riley answered, "She went back to bein' alone."

The silence that permeated the room after that statement was heavier than any she'd experienced in years. Just as she was beginning to feel crushed under the weight of it, Henry said, "It had to happen, you know."

Riley spun to face him, hands clasped behind her back, her posture ramrod straight - something she'd learned in the army. "What?" she demanded, cursing the hope the statement gave her. Logically, she knew he was wrong. But she'd been expecting him to loathe her for abandoning his mom, and there he was, staring at her with determination and everything _good_ in those green eyes of his.

"You leaving her. It had to happen, just like my dad had to leave her. If you had stayed, I might never have been born, and she might never have broken the curse." He shrugged. "It was fate."

This did little to comfort her. "Fate sucks," she groused.

Henry smiled. "Yeah," he agreed, "it does."

* * *

Emma sat in the library, across from Regina, as they read through old books they hoped would help them defeat their new opponent. She and Regina had become closer since losing their true loves, having the greatest understanding out of anyone what the other was going through. When Emma was near Regina, the hole in her heart didn't quite disappear, but it definitely felt a lot smaller.

Becoming frustrated with their seemingly fruitless task, Emma sighed and shoved her book away. "Do you ever feel like it's just one thing after another in this town? Like there's no time to just relax and be people. We're always fighting something."

Regina glanced up from her reading, saw in the blonde's expression that she was done searching through tomes for the time being, and closed her own book. "Yes, I feel like that quite often. Now more than ever." The dark-haired woman paused as she thought for a moment. Her eyebrows pulled together and Emma found herself transfixed, watching the emotions shape her face. "I've almost forgotten what it feels like to lead a quiet life."

Emma frowned for another moment before her lips began to curve upward. "Do you want to do something normal? Just for a little while." Excitement bloomed in her chest at the thought of her and Regina hanging out like normal friends did - leaving behind their grief and stress for just a little while.

"Like what?" Regina was interested in Emma's proposal, it seemed, but she also looked highly skeptical. Which was okay, because Emma hadn't expected anything less.

Honestly, Emma didn't care what they did, as long as it brought their focus onto happier things. "I don't know. We could go see a movie."

"As much as I'm sure I would enjoy sitting in a run-down theater for the next few hours, I have seen _Return of the Jedi_ far too many times."

"How about ice cream then? And then we could go for a walk."

Emma was sure Regina was going to scold her and say something about how she should take better care of her body, but to her surprise and delight, Regina offered Emma a small smile and a nod and a "that sounds nice."

* * *

"So how are you coping with Riley being here?" Regina inquired as she scooped some vanilla ice cream onto her spoon. They were walking along the water's edge, shoulders brushing every couple steps, filling Emma with warmth whenever they did. Emma knew she hadn't spoken much to Regina of how Riley's presence was affecting her, and that Regina worried for her. She hadn't wanted to talk about it, but now that Regina had asked, she felt as if there were a crack in her armor. Knowing the former queen cared enough to ask after spending so many years without a friend made the idea of sharing seem less daunting.

Though, how much of that was being asked, and how much of that was _Regina_ asking? Emma knew she wouldn't talk about this with Snow or David if they broached the subject. There was something about being with the brunnette lately that made her feel safe in a way that she didn't feel with anyone else. Even with Hook, there had always been a lingering anxiety.

But that was probably because her relationship with Killian had been romantic, and the purely platonic relationship she shared with Regina did not involve being someone's better half, which if you asked Emma, felt like a load of responsibility she wasn't quite ready for. She imagined she would have been eventually, had he lived. Now, though, she had lost that chance.

God, she hated this. Everything reminded her of him!

Feigning an air of nonchalance, as she didn't want her sadness to remind Regina of her own, Emma licked her mint chocolate chip ice cream from where it sat in its waffle cone and shoved her free hand into her jacket pocket. She shrugged. "It's kind of weird. I'm used to people you guys used to know showing up out of the blue, and I guess I'm used to having people from my past reappear. It just feels different with Riley because she has no other connections here. She's not here because she's someone's kid. She's here for me. And it's weird because I thought she'd forgotten about me or something, and then I found out she committed a crime punishable by death to come save me from the very thing she left me for."

Emma felt guilty sharing with Regina what she wouldn't with her parents, who wanted nothing more from her than her trust. But it wasn't as if she didn't trust them. It was just that she felt connected to Regina in a way she didn't with her parents - or anyone, really. Her connection with Killian had been strong, but different. With Regina, she felt like she didn't even need to speak; they had just learned to understand each other on a deep enough level that sometimes words couldn't tell her anything she didn't already know about the woman.

She watched as Regina brought the spoon to her mouth and closed her red-painted lips around it before pulling it out and returning it to her little bowl. She didn't say anything, only offered a small nod of understanding, but it was all Emma wanted from her. She wasn't looking for advice or sympathy; she just wanted Regina to know how she felt. She had ever since they'd sat up together the night after Robin's funeral and just talked until morning.

Something caught Regina's eye. "Speaking of weird," she murmured, coming slowly to a halt.

Emma brought her eyes up from where they'd been studying Regina's hand - she liked that it wasn't perfectly small and feminine - and followed the woman's gaze. She was met with the sight of two figures, one showing the other a specific way to stand. They were about the same height, though Emma knew one of them was in the middle of a growth spurt and that he'd soon tower over the woman he stood with. The woman reached her hand up to tuck a lock of hair that had escaped her braid behind her ear.

An unsettled feeling grew in Emma's stomach. Watching her son enjoy the company of the woman who'd abandoned her at such a tender age was not what she'd envisioned doing on this _normal fucking walk_ that she was taking to feel like a _normal fucking person_. "What's he doing with her?" she demanded incredulously.

Regina just shook her head, indicating her own lack of knowledge.

They watched as Riley, wearing her usual cargo pants and tight t-shirt, modeled a movement for their son, who immediately did as Riley had, with her giving corrections that they couldn't hear from this distance. "She's teaching him how to fight," Emma realized.

Regina glanced at Emma out of the corner of her eye, though the look of concern was lost on the woman, who stared at the scene in a state of bewildered shock. "So it seems," Regina agreed, lips twisting downwards. Even in her state, Emma could sense the disapproval that rolled off of her friend in waves. "His note failed to mention this," she added, dark eyes narrowing as she stared at Henry.

Emma wondered if it was the lack of notification that was upsetting her son's mother or the way Henry's actions had caused Emma to react.

Emma was finding it hard to tear her eyes away as well. She only looked away when something wet trickled onto her hand. With a displeased twist of her lips, Emma muttered, "My ice cream is melting." She quickly licked it until it was no longer dripping, then returned to watching the scene playing out in front of her.

Riley was fixing the way Henry made a fist. After a moment she took a step back and held up her hands, instructing the teen to do something. He aimed a punch near her face, though he only came into contact with her hand, as she had caught his fist. She said something to him, then had him do it again. This time after catching his hand, Riley must have complimented him somehow, as Henry grinned widely and, though Emma couldn't be sure from this distance, seemed to be blushing.

"Oh my God." Emma's eyes widened even as her stomach dropped. A cold feeling washed over her body. "He totally has a crush on her."

Regina pulled her eyebrows together, looking from the duo to Emma and back again. "What gives you that idea?" She sounded concerned, and Emma knew she'd be looking for anything to prove her wrong.

Emma felt like she'd been hit in the head with a brick, everything clear and fuzzy all at once. "Well, I mean, it would make sense. She's gorgeous, strong, mysterious. And she just ran away from the army to save his family, which probably makes her ten times cooler in his eyes." Emma located a trashcan and threw the remainder of her ice cream in it, no longer interested in eating it, Regina following along next to her and doing the same with her own ice cream. The movement brought them about ten feet closer to the pair, and yes, Henry was definitely blushing.

"There are other attractive women he has known who have risked much to save his family." Regina was glaring at Riley and their son as if she could read their minds if she stared angrily enough. "What makes Ms. Thompson any different?"

Emma smiled briefly at the formality, remembering when she had been _Ms. Swan_. The situation quickly caught up with her, though, and she didn't know if she felt more forlorn or angry. "What makes anyone different?" she responded desolately. "Anyway, even if I'm right, it's a small thing. Nothing to worry about, so don't go all protective mama bear on anyone." Emma knew her friend well enough to know that she would take drastic measures to keep Riley and Henry apart if Emma didn't at least pretend she was okay with this. She didn't want a repeat of what had happened when Regina had tried to keep Henry away from her. "It's not like Riley returns it," Emma continued. She paused. " _That_ would be weird."

"Yes," Regina replied, looking uncomfortable and disapproving all at once. "I believe that would make her a pedophile." The way she was looking at Riley, Emma was surprised Riley didn't feel her scorching gaze, or at the very least, burst into flames.

Emma laughed. She didn't like the turn of events, but it was entertaining to see how upset her friend was over it. "You know," she said, attempting to switch topics, "he's not so little anymore."

"He is fast becoming a man," the brunette acknowledged. She frowned. "I don't like it."

"Me neither."

They stood for a few more moments, watching their son with Riley.

"He's in trouble, isn't he?"

"Oh, definitely."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So I probably should've mentioned this before, but the title is a reference to the song "Like Suicide" by Seether. You should check it out.

* * *

 _1994_

Emma hugged her knees tightly, watching dust drift through the waning sunlight that came in through the dirty window. Muffled shouts reached her ears from another room of the dilapidated house. It'd been built in the '50s, and the young blonde imagined it had once been home to a nice family. Now it was a group home, run by adults who only saw kids as a way to get money from the government.

The man in charge of the place had been drafted to serve in the army during the Vietnam War. It had led to a deep resentment and a desire to get back at the government in any way possible. So he took money that was meant to go to doing what he had promised the government he would do - take care of the children in his possession - and spent it on whiskey. Then he made the kids' lives even more miserable for good measure.

Emma knew just how bitter the man was because he'd go on rants about it some days, and those days the kids avoided him more than usual. Except Riley. She'd purposefully provoke him, then play it off as a joke to Emma, though the ten year old knew she really only did it to keep his attention away from the other kids.

Wanting to do something about what was happening not too far from her but knowing that Riley would be pissed at her if she did, Emma sank her face into her knees and tried to block out the yelling. She could hear a kid crying quietly near her, but everyone else was dead silent. So silent, Emma wondered if she wasn't the only one holding her breath.

She only lifted her face at the sound of footsteps approaching the door, which was roughly thrown open and closed again as Riley entered. The right side of her face was red and would probably bruise. She was holding her ribs and instead of her usual confident gait, she shuffled painfully to her bunk below Emma's and flopped down onto it, not even sparing Emma a glance.

Emma remained still for a long while after that, unsure if it was safe to check on Riley or if the teen would be angry at her for bothering her when she was obviously upset. Riley normally welcomed and appreciated her presence, which was foreign to her; most people couldn't wait to get away from her. Emma was afraid that one day Riley would see her the way she knew other people did: someone to be pitied, but not taken care of; an orphan whose presence inspired nothing but feelings of guilt and shame because she had so little to call her own.

On top of her insecurities, Riley's temper was legendary. Emma had been on the receiving end of it before, and it was a position she hoped to never be in again. So she waited, because that was the safest thing to do. Anyway, she was sure that when Riley was ready to talk, she would let Emma know.

Maybe an hour after her entry, Riley's calm, detached voice broke the silence of the room, confirming Emma's suspicions. "Come 'ere, kid."

Emma immediately jumped down from her bunk and crawled into bed with Riley. "Are you okay?" she whispered, slipping under the covers that were being held up for her. It felt like coming home, a feeling she still hesitated to get used to, knowing how likely it was that Riley would decide she didn't want Emma anymore.

A small smile was her only answer. "Were you scared?" Riley asked, and Emma braced herself for some new wisdom. Riley was the smartest person she'd ever known, smarter even than any of her teachers, and often Riley would give Emma bits of advice that she knew she'd never forget.

She nodded, knowing better than to lie to Riley.

"What did you do?"

Confused, but having enough respect for the teen to not question her, Emma responded, "I did nothing."

Riley shook her head. "No, you did something. What did you do?"

"Well, I… I hugged my knees to my chest and hid my face in them." Emma didn't know what answer Riley was searching for and hoped she'd said the right thing.

The teenager's gray-blue eyes drilled holes into the bottom of Emma's bunk as she lay, contemplating. "What did you want to do?"

More sure of this answer, Emma quickly said, "I wanted to help you."

"That's noble of ya, kid. Why didn't you?"

A feeling of shame and uncertainty took root in Emma's chest. Should she have gone to help Riley? Was Riley upset with her? Did she think Emma was a coward? "I didn't want you to be mad at me," she said quietly.

"Mm." Riley nodded. Then, "Next time you want to do something, do it. Next time you want something, take it, and don't let anyone stop you. Not even yourself. Sometimes the things we want are scary, but fear's only in your mind, kid, and the best thing a person can be is brave. Would I have been mad if you'da come out there? Sure, I'da been _pissed_. Would he have hurt you? Probably, yeah, he would've. But you woulda done something to be proud of, and neither of us should've been able to take that from you.

"Right now, you feel ashamed, am I right?"

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Emma nodded, not meeting Riley's searching gaze.

"Shame is a waste of emotion, Emma. Now, don't get me wrong. I am beyond glad you stayed here and safe. But you shouldn't have let that make up your mind. Don't worry about how your choices will make other people feel; worry about how they'll make _you_ feel. And don't ever make a decision that leaves you feeling ashamed."

* * *

 _Present_

"You've been spending a lot of time with Henry." Emma tried to keep her voice nonchalant, but Riley saw through her like not a day had passed since they were close. Emma was upset; she wouldn't have brought it up otherwise.

Regarding Emma's stiff shoulders and carefully controlled facial expression, Riley nodded. "Bother you?" she questioned, sitting back in the booth, hands still wrapped around her coffee mug. She'd never been one for small talk, though her mother had raised her on it; she was more the type to cut straight to the heart of things.

"No," Emma denied, and Riley had to admit, she'd gotten better at lying.

"Good." Riley chose to play along with the blonde's little game. If Emma didn't like her hanging out with her son, she'd have to be an adult and say so. "How're the preparations comin'?"

Suddenly Emma was back in save-the-world mode. Her fidgeting fingers stilled as her game face made an appearance. She was more self-assured than ever when she spoke, despite her news being less than comforting. "Gold has decided to do his own thing. We think he's going to try to wake Belle up and get her to run away with him. She'll never agree to that, but I'm sure he'll figure out a way to make it happen with or without her approval."

Riley breathed out roughly. "Guy's an ass," she muttered, then switched gears. "What about teaching people how to fight? Y'all started on that?"

Emma's face was like stone: cold and hard. "No, but apparently you have."

And of course Riley knew what she was talking about, even if she didn't know how Emma had found out. Henry had seemed hesitant to tell his mothers of their time together, so she didn't think it had come from him, despite her encouraging him to be honest. "What, now you're mad that I'm teaching Henry how to defend himself? You're the one who chose to put the kid in the middle of a war, Emma. I wanted to run."

"To where?" Emma demanded loudly. "This is his home."

"And you don't want to take him away because you're afraid he'll end up like you."

Emma froze. Seconds ticked by, but she just sat there, staring at Riley as if she'd just killed her mother. Riley waited.

Emma looked like there were so many things she wanted to say, but she settled for, "Fuck you."

Riley took that as permission to continue. "You're afraid he's gonna have the same issues you do. That he'll feel like he doesn't belong anywhere he goes, that he'll be too afraid to make something permanent because he'll know that even permanent doesn't last. What you don't realize is that you just gave your kid a death sentence because you're afraid you'll fuck him up. Can't fuck him up if he's dead, right?"

"You don't know anything about me, Thompson." Emma was shaking with rage and fear - Riley knew exactly which buttons to push in order to get a rise out of her. Emma shook her head. "I'm not eleven years old anymore. I'm a grown woman who _you don't know_ because you decided to leave. You lost the privilege to say shit like that to me when you left me to fend for myself all those years ago.

"I decided to stay and fight because that's what my family wants to do. It's what I want to do. I'm teaching my son to be brave even when it seems hopeless, _especially_ when it seems hopeless.

We are staying, we are _fighting_ , because some things are worth dying for, and I'm going to make sure Henry knows that."

"Like the guy you loved did," Riley commented, completely unfazed. She raised her eyebrows. "Like the guy Regina loved did."

Gritting her teeth, Emma stood from the booth and stormed to the door of the diner. When she was halfway there, she paused at the sound of Riley's voice calling out to her.

"I was wrong, by the way. When I told you to take what you want no matter what. When I said to only think of yourself when making decisions. I was wrong."

Emma left the diner, and Riley stared gloomily into her coffee. Why had she done that? There were so many ways to get Emma to realize that fighting was not the right decision, so why had she chosen to piss her off? It only resulted in Emma hating her more and, as far as Riley could tell, did nothing to change the woman's mind.

But that was how Riley dealt with people that caused her pain, even if the pain was well-deserved: she pushed them away, hurt them back. Making Emma question her skills as a mother, reminding her of her abandonment issues, bringing up the death of the guy she loved and the guy Regina loved, knowing Emma blamed herself for the latter, they were all part of her defense mechanism.

And as much as she regretted causing Emma pain, she knew she'd do it again if she had the chance. Riley needed Emma to hate her, because when this was all over, she wasn't planning on sticking around.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Whoa, back to back updates? Am I great or what?

* * *

 _1996_

Riley tugged her cap lower on her forehead, a feeling of nervousness growing within her as she neared the lieutenant's tent. He had never called her in before, and now that he had, Riley did not doubt that he planned to reprimand her for something, though she couldn't imagine what she had done to deserve it. She only hoped that this would blow over and that if it did, she'd be able to earn the man's respect back. His opinion of her would determine her future in the army.

Coming to a stop at the tent's entrance, she called, "Lieutenant Cole, you asked to see me, sir?"

A gruff voice beckoned her inside, and she entered to find the man devoid of his jacket, pouring two glasses of a dark liquid. He turned to her, held up a glass in askance. Not wanting to be viewed as impolite, Riley accepted and took a small sip. She fought the displeased expression that threatened to overcome her; it was whiskey. Last time she'd had whiskey, she had been in a much darker place.

"Come, have a seat." Cole gestured to the space beside where he sat, on a small, foldable couch. Once Riley had complied, he smiled slightly. Riley awkwardly returned the smile, confused. She had been sure she was in trouble, but he seemed to be in a good mood. More than that, he seemed to like her, and Cole didn't like anybody. She wondered how much he'd had to drink. The bottle he'd poured the whiskey from had been near empty. Had he drank that much this evening?

Riley swallowed, the taste of the alcohol still potent on her tongue. She hoped she wasn't expected to finish the drink. But Cole didn't seem to be paying attention to her drink; his gaze seemed to caress her face, an odd look that Riley feared she recognized in his dark eyes.

"Tell me, Thompson, you want to rise through the ranks as quickly as possible, don't you?"

Fighting her instincts, Riley remained very still, aside from a small nod. Her heart was racing. She knew what was going on; she'd been in this position before, had heard men speak to her like this before.

"And you know that the easiest way to do that would be to win my favor?"

Riley couldn't speak. Every cell in her body burned with rage while nausea roiled her stomach. Unable to look the man in the eyes, she faced forward, jerked her head again.

She saw him smile, imagined tying him to the couch and pulling every one of his teeth out, then feeding them to him.

"I'm going to give you an offer that I'm not gonna give anyone else, because you really caught my eye. You're a very impressive girl."

 _Yeah, I'm sure I am_ , she thought viciously. She forced her voice out, though her lips felt as if they'd been welded shut. She felt light, in a horrible, vexed way, like she could do anything. Like she could strangle this man and everyone in this stupid camp with her bare hands. Her voice was steady and calm, though, something she had learned from her mother. "That's very kind of you to say, sir."

The man's smile grew into a grin, obviously pleased. "Well, I don't say anything I don't mean." He set his hand down on her leg, just above her knee. Its warmth disgusted her. "Don't think I haven't noticed your success here, Thompson. You're a better soldier than any I've ever seen. And beautiful on top of that."

"Thank you, sir."

"So, the offer I mentioned." He removed the drink from Riley's hand while not-so-subtly scooting her hand nearer to the meeting of her thighs. Riley swallowed hard, fury becoming overshadowed by terror for a moment. "Like I said, you're a very beautiful girl, Thompson. Smart, too, so you must have an idea of where I'm going with this?"

"Yes, sir." This was probably what it felt like to be burned at the stake, though she offered no indication of she felt. Her exterior was calm and cool.

"So, you must have an answer already?" he prompted when she didn't continue.

"Yes, sir." Riley closed her eyes. "My answer is no, thank you, sir. I hope you won't hold this against me, but I would rather earn your favor as any other soldier would. I don't see the point in being the winner of a game that was not played fair. Thank you for your kindness in extending this offer, though, sir."

Cole seemed disappointed and a bit angry. "You realize that if you turn this down, there is no winning my favor for you, Thompson."

Tears sprung to her still-closed eyes. Everything she had worked so hard for came down to this moment, and she couldn't give him what he wanted. "I'm disappointed to hear that, sir. However, my answer remains the same."

As Cole dismissed her, Riley felt her hopes crumble.

* * *

 _Present_

Riley shook as she struggled to get control over her thoughts. She felt powerless. Everything had been taken from her again, and again it had been because of a choice she'd made, a choice she couldn't bring herself to make differently. She could have power over her life, she knew, if only she could gain some power over herself. Every time she thought she finally had, another choice would be presented to her, and every time, she would choose the option that ruined her life because she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she chose otherwise.

The time with Cole hadn't been the first, but it was the first time she had dared to hope. Before, she had always believed life couldn't get better, so when it got worse, yes, she was miserable, but she wasn't devastated. But things had been going so well, and she had thought she could finally leave her past behind and become something resembling happy. Then Cole had propositioned her, and she hadn't accepted, and all the progress she'd made disintegrated.

This time, she had finally made colonel, something she'd seldom imagined was possible. She was _proud_ of herself! And she lost it - the position, the respect, the pride, because she had a fucking hero complex and she owed Emma. If she was honest with herself, she loved Emma. Emma was her kid, and twenty years of being apart hadn't changed that, not for Riley. So she'd done the unthinkable - she'd deserted. She _traded sides_.

It was so infuriating because all that shit, it hadn't been taken from her. She had chosen to give it up. It was her fault she was so miserable. She had had the power to make a good life for herself, but she hadn't had enough control over herself to take it.

Riley wanted to scream, but she settled for letting her feet pound the pavement as she sprinted toward the ocean. She had decided to go for a jog, but there was too much pent up anger inside her, and she couldn't slow down. She wasn't sure yet if she was going to throw herself into the sea.

She got to the beach, and she didn't go to the water. She threw herself onto her hands and knees on the sand, fisting some in a desperate attempt to ground herself. The world was swaying and tilting again; her eyes closed so she didn't have to watch, but she could do nothing to avoid feeling it.

After what seemed like years, a hand was placed on Riley's shoulder. She opened her eyes and stumbled into a standing position. No one could know how weak she felt; it would only make things worse.

The hand belonged to Regina. Concerned brown eyes seemed to stare straight into her soul. "Are you alright, dear?"

Riley realized with a start that she felt like a teenager again: out of control, terrified, wrong. "Y-yeah." She cleared her throat, horrified that her voice had come out so shakily. "Just went for a run without having eaten today," she explained. It was true, but it wasn't the reason she felt so awful. She pulled one side of her mouth up in a smile. "Got a little dizzy. I'm good, though. Really," she added when the woman didn't seem convinced.

Regina regarded her with a raised brow. She had mastered the ability to make people nervous, and it worked like a charm on Riley in her current state. "Allow me to drive you to the diner," she said, allowing Riley's not complete honesty. "I couldn't leave you here like this."

"Sure you could. Because I'm fine. Thanks for the offer, but really, I'm fine."

Riley just wanted to escape the woman's presence. She wasn't in control of her emotions, and this woman was Emma's best friend. Anything Regina saw or heard would be relayed to Emma, and Regina was way too smart to not know that something was seriously wrong with Riley.

But that was the thing; she knew something was seriously wrong with Riley. "There is no need to lie to me, dear. I know a panic attack when I see one."

Riley's throat constricted. That wasn't what she'd had. She hadn't had one of those since her early days in the army. Sure, her emotions were all over the place, she couldn't breathe properly, and - fuck, she had had a panic attack.

And Regina _knew_.

Riley bristled. If she pissed Regina off, she'd leave, right? Or she wouldn't, because she was just as stubborn as Emma was. "Look, I'm grateful for the offer, really. I know I don't deserve any kindness from you. But I can handle myself, alright?"

Regina was staring at her, seemingly disturbed. "Why do you think you don't deserve any kindness from me?"

"Well, I" - Riley was caught off-guard. She frowned slowly; was that a trick question? "You're Emma's friend," she said as if that explained everything, because it did.

The corners of Regina's mouth tugged down farther. "What does that have to do with anything?"

They were not having this conversation. "I abandoned her. She hates me."

Realization swept through Regina's features, and she turned to face the ocean, taking a moment to decide what she wanted to say. "You know that I am the reason she was in foster care in the first place, don't you? That I forced Snow and Charming to make a decision that caused Emma to suffer the way she did. She could have grown up with parents who adored her. She could have had a happy childhood, and I took that from her.

"Yet, as you said, I'm her friend. She forgave me for what I did, despite how terrible it was, because I showed her that I was sorry. She didn't owe me her forgiveness, but she gave it anyway, because that's what she does. It's who she is.

"Now, I understand that you left her. But you are here now, and you gave up much to be here. Emma knows that, and she doesn't hate you. She can't hate the person who allowed her a chance to save her family, her son. And neither can I. I don't think I will ever be able to express how grateful I am to you for coming here and helping us, especially knowing what you lost because of it. If there is anything I can do to attempt to repay you for that, I will gladly do it, because you do deserve my kindness, Ms. Thompson. You more than deserve it."

Riley stared at her, stricken. No one had ever spoken to her like that before, so sure that she was worthy of their gratitude and appreciation. Her whole life, she had just been something for people to use. Hearing Regina's words made her feel oddly… human. Like she was a real person; like she mattered.

To her mortification, there were tears running down her cheeks. Quickly swiping at them and turning away, Riley forced a laugh that became more real as she thought of all the reasons Regina was wrong. "I called you fictional," she said, shaking her head, unable to comprehend how the first person to ever make her feel truly real, like she had a place in the world that was important, like it mattered how she felt, was the former Evil Queen. A woman who she'd never even been polite to.

Regina was smiling, eyes still on the ocean as if she didn't want to embarrass Riley further. Another gesture that meant the world to Riley. "Yes," Regina said, "and I still haven't forgiven you for that."

Riley laughed again, because Regina was joking. Riley hadn't joked with anyone in forever. "No," she replied, "I don't suppose everyone is as forgiving as Emma is."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry it's been a while. On vacation. Still thinking about this story all the time and already have ideas for a sequel and an ending to this; just coming up with the middle now! It's hard, but it would probably be less hard if I got a few reviews telling me how y'all think the story is doing and where it should go from here. I probably won't use every idea, but I will take them all into consideration. :)

* * *

Riley was watching over their progress with her arms crossed and a cigarette dangling from her lips. Emma regarded the death stick with a deep-seated loathing, a feeling of betrayal warming her veins. It seemed Riley had gone back on more than one promise, though Emma wasn't surprised. Why would she keep a promise to a kid she didn't care enough about to stick around for? Especially one as seemingly unimportant but difficult to keep as the promise to quit smoking.

Emma scowled, turning back to the task at hand. She had been doing a great job of ignoring Riley since their talk at the diner three days ago, and she wasn't about to ruin her streak just to make a comment that would alert Riley to Emma's lingering feelings regarding their failed friendship. Not that they had ever been friends; Emma realized now that she had been more of an obligation than a friend for Riley, a fact that stung more than Emma was willing to admit.

Regina had hinted that Riley might be having just as hard a time coping with the situation as Emma was, yet the stoic blonde had showed no signs of discomfort around Emma. So Emma was inclined to believe their relationship hadn't meant much to Riley, that it was only Riley's moral compass that had brought her here, not her love for Emma. She had told Regina as much. The brunette had disagreed vehemently but provided no explanation as to why she was so sure, so Emma figured Regina just wanted her to feel better.

It was nice that someone cared so much about how she felt. She imagined if Killian were here, he would try just as valiantly to assuage her insecurities. The pang of longing she felt threatened to overwhelm her, and she quickly brought her focus to what her mother was saying.

"Remember, everyone. This is just a precaution. Emma and Regina have put up wards around the town to keep people out, so fighting probably won't even be necessary." Snow's voice was confident and reassuring.

Emma waited for Riley's inevitable rebuttal, and sure enough - "Except they will find a way past those wards, which only serve to slow them down. So don't take these lessons lightly, because you will need to fight them eventually."

And just like that, the effect of Snow's words was washed away. The nervous atmosphere returned.

As David led everyone in a lesson on sword fighting with the help of some men who had volunteered, including some of Regina's former guards, Regina looked over at Riley. "What makes you so sure they will be able to get through the wards?"

Riley didn't even spare her a glance, her eyes roaming over the ragtag group of makeshift soldiers that had gathered near the edge of town. "The right amount of determination can accomplish anything."

"Then we should have no problem defeating our new enemy."

Emma grinned, feeling proud of her friend using for Riley's own logic against her.

Riley came closer to the pair, causing Emma's smile to drop, as she was now able to smell the cigarette smoke. Removing the cigarette from her lips so she didn't have to talk around it, Riley stepped up to Regina. "You may think you're more determined than they are, because you're fighting for your home and family, but they're fighting for the exact same thing, and they're not gonna give up just because they hit a roadblock. Would you?"

Regina squared her shoulders, managing to look intimidating despite the five inches Riley had on her. "You seem to have a lot of faith in our enemy, Ms. Thompson. Are you sure you are not on their side?"

Emma watched, eyebrows raised, as she awaited Riley's answer. She knew, of course, that Riley was on their side, as her innate lie detector had yet to go off, but she was interested in the exchange. She wondered if this was what it had been like to watch herself and Regina argue back before the curse was broken.

Riley's expression did not change in the slightest as she retorted, "If I were on their side, Mills, this town would be ash by now."

Knowing it was the truth, Emma fought the urge to shiver at the thought of it. "Back to the wards," she interjected before Regina could set Riley on fire. "How do you expect them to fight magic when they have none of their own?"

In an almost bored tone, Riley responded, "I expect them to get some of their own."

"That's impossible," Regina denied. "Someone from Storybrooke would have to give it to them. Even Rumple wouldn't do that."

"Right. Because he's displayed such unwavering loyalty to you all. But suppose you're right about him - can you be absolutely sure you're the only ones who've ever made it to this world with their magic intact? Because if you can't, I suggest you stop arguing with me and start focusing on finding a more permanent solution."

 _Even permanent doesn't last_ , Emma's mind supplied. She frowned, hating that what Riley had said had stuck with her. Even after all these years, Riley still held power over her. What was worse, Riley was right. They _did_ need a better solution.

* * *

"When do you think we'll be out of time?"

Riley glanced over at Henry as he dangled his legs. He had seen her walking toward the woods and asked to tag along. Unwilling to disappoint him, she'd accepted his company. She knew it bothered Emma, and that was good for two reasons: Emma would be too angry to believe or care about the moment of vulnerability Riley was sure Regina had told her about, which meant that Emma would be relieved when Riley was no longer around to corrupt her son. The only downside of her time with Henry was that he wouldn't want to see her go.

At the moment, they were sitting side by side on a tree branch, and Riley was trying hard not to give Henry a pessimistic answer. "It depends on how quickly they can find Storybrooke and get past the wards," she said, leaving out how little time she thought it would take them.

Henry nodded, growing quiet for the first time since he'd approached her earlier.

Riley took the moment of reprieve from conversation to study him. He didn't look much like Emma in his physical features, but it was impossible to see him and not be reminded of her. Despite this, one of his most prominent attributes was one his blonde mother didn't have: his unwavering optimism, his ability to believe in something wholeheartedly, complete lack of proof notwithstanding. Even his grandparents couldn't put such faith into something as he did; it was uniquely him. Riley could argue with him all day long, present him with pie charts and bar graphs, and it wouldn't change a thing.

Not that she wanted to poke holes in his faith. She actually found herself quite impressed by it.

Deciding the silence had gone on too long, Riley asked, "How come you hang out with me when your mom hates me?"

Henry shrugged. "I think it's cool that you took care of her. And I know you left her, but you're here now. Besides, like I said, you had to leave her, even if you didn't know it. It's hard to be mad at you for doing something when if you hadn't, I wouldn't have been born." He offered her a small smile.

Riley had noticed his mood had been rather subdued today. She didn't ask him to talk about it, having been taught from a young age that it was impolite to pry. If he wanted to talk about it, she'd listen. But until then, she would try to take his mind off it.

"Alright, fair enough. Mind if I ask why you choose to hang out with a forty year old instead of people your own age?" This was definitely prying, she realized as Henry became increasingly uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, that was rude."

Henry laughed, shocking her. "Since when do you care about being rude?"

Offended, Riley glared at him. "I'm a very polite person, dammit."

That prompted the boy to laugh harder. He leaned forward, nearly toppling out of the tree. His laughter came to an abrupt stop as he struggled to find his balance.

Riley gripped his shoulder, steadying him. "Careful, kid. Your moms would kill me if you got hurt on my watch. You think _your_ life just flashed before your eyes…" Then she started, realizing she'd just made a joke. This town was doing a number on her. Maybe she really had gone insane. Joking around with a fifteen year old? It was crazy.

But it was worth it when Henry smirked, all traces of his previous mood having gone. That was another startling thing: how quickly she'd become fond of the kid. She chalked it up to him being Emma's son, though she knew it was more than that. He was the opposite of Riley in so many ways, and she found she liked that he was so different from her. He was happy, optimistic, hopeful. When she was his age, she'd been anything but.

Normally Henry would respond with something witty, reassuring, or completely random. Today, however, the boy only looked off into the distance as his smirk slowly fell away, the pensive look returning to his eyes.

Cursing herself for her inability to socialize, Riley racked her brain for something to say. Something that had nothing to do with the situation at hand, as she had an inkling that it had inspired Henry's mood. Any stories she could tell him that weren't in any way completely depressing? No. None that came to mind, anyway. God, when had she ever been happy?

Her time with Emma had been nice, but she had been too caught up in dealing with her resentment of everything to be truly happy. Besides, any good stories she could tell were tainted by her decision to leave.

So Riley turned to facts. She had memorized way too many facts; she might as well share some with a boy who seemed to enjoy learning. "Did you know that toothpaste has been around since 5000 BC?"

Henry whipped his head around to look at her, startled.

Riley nodded. "Egyptians. They were pretty innovative. And, you know, plaid was originally called 'tartan'. As I'm sure you can imagine, it originated in Scotland." She raised her eyebrows, daring the boy to laugh at her awkward attempt to cheer him up. Which was somewhat counterproductive, she realized, but it seemed her expression only encouraged his laughter.

"Why do you know that?" Henry was grinning at her, amused and interested.

Offering him a smirk of her own, Riley shrugged. "I know everything."

"How do you really know that?"

Riley rolled her eyes. "Fine. I have an eidetic memory."

"Like a photographic memory? You remember everything you see?"

"Pretty much."

"That's so damn cool."

It was Riley's turn to be shocked. "Do you kiss your mothers with that mouth?" she mocked him. She had never heard him curse before and found it amusing. She wondered how Regina would react if she knew. Emma would probably find it just as amusing as Riley did.

Henry ignored her. "Tell me something else."

"Fergie voiced Charlie Brown's sister in the '80s."

"Wow."

* * *

While Riley and Henry talked, Emma and Regina cast a strong cloaking spell over Storybrooke. They were at a loss as to what else they should do. They didn't have any way of acquiring tanks or bombs or assault weapons of any kind. Anything that wasn't already in town was no help to them now.

Regina watched their combined magic spread like a dome over the town before it turned transparent and shimmery. Drained, she lowered her hands. Though it was much easier to perform magic with the added strength of Emma's own magic, it was always a tiring experience nonetheless.

It didn't help that she was always tired nowadays.

She felt Emma grasp her hand, offering her a strangely large amount of comfort for such a small gesture. Everything about her relationship with the blonde was odd. They made unimaginable sacrifices for each other, made literal magic together, and Emma gave Regina a sense of being whole despite having lost her soul mate so recently. Every touch was both soothing and exciting. When Regina wasn't with Emma, she missed her, even if it was only minutes they spent apart.

It was probably just her latching onto something to help her grieve, she thought rationally. Though it felt a lot like what she had felt for Robin, and it made Regina's stomach turn. Was she betraying him by feeling this way so soon after his passing? Or worse, was she rebounding? Emma was too important to her for her to ruin their friendship with misplaced feelings, so she kept them to herself. It wasn't like Emma saw her as anything beyond a close friend anyway.

"We'll figure something out," Emma said, acting confident as usual. She must have attributed Regina's slumped shoulders to worry over what she should have been worrying about. "I mean, maybe we can't fix everything, but we can save people. I'm the savior. I can save people." It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than Regina.

The brunette squeezed her hand. "Yes, you can. And you will. We will."

She knew Emma blamed herself for Robin's death. A small part of Regina did too, and it led to ardent self-loathing. So she kept it from Emma and did everything she could to keep the woman from running herself into the ground over it. Honestly, she seemed more broken up over it than Hook's death, a fact which really didn't surprise Regina all that much.

Emma was recovering from her stint as the Dark One, and she had deep insecurities. With her parents being who they were, she was doing everything she could to be heroic and good. She wanted their approval, needed it, and feared they were disappointed in her for all that had happened. Disappointed enough to leave her. Regina knew her friend understood it was an irrational fear, but it was real and did not fade with time.

The former monarch did what she could to assure her friend of her goodness. She reminded her of how much Snow White and David loved her, insisted that they were proud of her because Emma was good, and any parent would be proud to call her their daughter. Regina knew that, and she wanted Emma to know that.

"Emma." When Emma faced her, Regina continued, "I have complete faith in us, because I have complete faith in you. If I could choose anyone besides Henry to be on my side, I would always choose you. Do you know why?"

Unable to meet Regina's eyes for such an emotional discussion, Emma stared down at Regina's shoulder and shook her head.

"Because you are a hero. You make tough choices, have good intentions, and are entirely too selfless for your own good. You're smart, strong, and confident, and when you aren't confident, you fake it so well even I believe you sometimes.

"Don't be too hard on yourself for the way things are. It's not your fault, dear."

Emma frowned as if she didn't believe her, but didn't say anything. It was obvious the conversation was bothering the woman, who bottled her feelings or ran away from them, but never, ever talked about them. Because of this, Regina was not surprised when she changed the subject.

"So, Riley has been training people to fight, and my parents have been helping her. The dwarves are mining for more pixie dust; they haven't found much yet, but it's still early stages, so they're hopeful. Well, Grumpy's not, but he's, well, grumpy. Blue is training the fairies for their form of fighting, which seems to be throwing fairy dust at things and hoping they turn into something less scary. Do you think there's anything we should be doing? I feel so useless."

"Actually, I think there is something." Regina had been pondering it for the past week and had decided there was no way she wasn't right. "Do you remember the crystal that killed Hades?" At Emma's ashamed nod, Regina lightly gripped her chin and forced eye contact, steadily ignoring the excited jumping of her heart at the closeness. "Don't. It wasn't your fault, so stop looking so guilty." She stared at Emma, struggling to make her point heard, and only began speaking again when the blonde gently shook her hand away. "Anyway, I went back for the crystal eventually, knowing it could fall into the wrong hands if I didn't. When I got there, however, it was nowhere to be found."

This information caused Emma to go into what Regina had mentally deemed "detective mode". Her posture straightened, her arms crossed, and she searched faces more carefully. "Are you sure it didn't just disintegrate?"

Feeling a simmering rage at what she was sure she had figured out, but also a warmth at the return of Emma's strength, Regina nodded. "I wondered if that was possible, too, so I did some research. Turns out that the crystal should have survived. That, of course, led me to the conclusion that someone stole it. Someone with a profound knowledge of magic and a desire to control it."

Emma scowled as she caught onto exactly who Regina meant. "Gold," she said as if the name were a curse word.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Apologies for the long wait and short update! At least this one is Swan Queen, right? Also, thank you to the person who reviewed! I really loved hearing your thoughts and will definitely take them into consideration.

* * *

How was it that Regina was able to read her so well? She had noticed emotions that Emma hadn't even accepted she was feeling yet. Talking to the woman about Riley had been one thing, but her own inadequacy and failure - it was something she had never talked to anyone about. And there Regina was, picking up on it as if she were screaming it from the clock tower.

It wasn't just Robin's death, though that had definitely exacerbated the issue. Her insecurities had plagued her throughout all of her childhood and had carried through to her adult years too, it seemed. But people weren't supposed to be able to just look at her and know they were there; she had hidden them beneath layers of false bravado and a devil-may-care attitude.

Regina just broke all of her rules. She made hugs comforting; she smelled amazing all of the time, and sometimes Emma just wanted to sniff her; she made Emma want to spend all of her time with her. For someone used to being completely independent, ready to leave everything behind at a moment's notice, it was odd to crave another person's company so much.

Again, she hadn't felt this way about Killian. She missed him now, but she had never felt the need to be with him every moment of every day. Maybe it was down to the comfort thing; he made her anxious, while Regina - well, being with Regina was like coming home.

Coming home.

Oh, God.

She had felt that way with Riley once, like she had a home. Like she had a family.

Though it was a bit different, as Regina was special in a way no one had ever been to her before. She couldn't explain how or why.

Still, what if this ended up like that? What happened when Regina decided she didn't wanna Emma anymore?

Stomach clenched in fear, Emma rolled onto her side, curling up with her knees to her chest. She was in one of Regina's guest rooms. It was pretty much hers, after having spent every night since Robin's funeral there. She tried not to imagine that Regina would want it back soon.

Soon Regina wouldn't need Emma anymore. Soon Regina wouldn't want Emma around.

* * *

"Are you alright, Emma?"

Emma had been quiet all morning, not meeting her eyes and shying away from her touches. Regina tried not to let the rejection get to her, but she couldn't help but wonder what she had done to make Emma so wary of her. If she was being honest with herself, it hurt that Emma was shutting her out.

Maybe she shouldn't have reassured Emma yesterday. Obviously it had made the blonde uncomfortable.

Emma shrugged, pushing food around her plate. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You have plenty of reasons, I'm sure. I just thought…" Uncertainty and a stubborn refusal to be humiliated had caused her to trail off.

It caught Emma's attention, at least. "Thought what?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

Emma frowned, going back to pushing her food around. The air between them was thick and warm, both upset and unwilling to share. She changed the subject to more pressing matters. "So, about the crystal. Got a plan for getting it? I mean, he's not just gonna have it lying around. Unless it's booby trapped. Which would also be bad."

Everything about Emma was endearing, something which Regina was reminded of at Emma's awkward question and short, unnecessary elaboration. "I do have a plan, though I do admit it is nothing amazing."

Emma perked up. "Anything is better than what I got, which is nothing."

Regina chewed a bite of egg as she thought through her plan.

* * *

It was the evening of the same day, and they were going to carry out Regina's plan. Emma had gone to her parents' place for dinner, so they had decided to meet there. Regina arrived at the door, hand poised to knock, but it fell to her side when she realized the door was open slightly and voices were coming through it into the hallway. She wouldn't have eavesdropped, but they said her name. That was practically an invitation. That and the open door.

"You've been spending a lot of time with her," Snow's voice carried to Regina, who stood with her back to the wall so as not to be seen. "She hasn't tried to push you away at all?"

"No, mom." Emma's voice was resigned, frustrated. "She hasn't. We're friends."

"We know that," Charming soothed. "We're just making sure. That was the whole point of this, remember? You keeping an eye on her."

Regina frowned, unable to believe he meant what she assumed he must, even as what was left of her heart shattered. She forced herself to remain silent in the hopes that she would be proven wrong, that Emma wasn't only spending time with her to make sure she didn't go dark.

"Look, she's doing fine. I mean, what do you expect me to say? She just lost her soulmate."

"But has she been volatile in any way?"

Every word was like a dagger in her heart. To hear that her family didn't trust her, that Emma had only been pretending this whole time, it hurt her nearly as much as Henry had during the turbulent time of the first curse breaking. She removed herself from the wall, retreating from the building on shaky legs. She had really believed that Emma felt the same connection to her that she did to Emma. Obviously, she had been wrong.

Regina was so overwhelmed that she didn't realize the voices had stopped until Emma called out to her. She shook her head, intent on returning home to regroup, then maybe she'd go out to do the mission on her own. She did not need Emma Swan.

But there she was, blocking her path with blonde hair and what she had thought to be earnest green-blue eyes. "Regina, I swear to everything that it's not what you think."

And there went Regina's resolve.

"But you don't know what I think, Emma!"

"You think I only tried to spend time with you to make sure you didn't go all Evil Queen on everyone. But that's not true!"

"No, Miss Swan, what I think is that you're just another person who used my vulnerability as a weapon against me! What I think is that you're just another Rumpelstiltskin, waiting until I'm broken so you can mold me into whatever is most convenient for you!" By the end, I was shouting, and three Charmings were watching me with varying amounts of dread. "But the worst part is, I actually grew to like you. Seems I'm no less naive than I was all those years ago."

"Gina, please listen to me." Emma's eyes were wide and pleading. They made her nauseous.

"Don't you dare call me that insipid nickname. You've lost the right. And don't you dare ask me for anything! I owe you nothing! I went to the Underworld to help you save a man I don't even like, losing my love in the process, putting my son at risk, all for you, Emma Swan! So don't you dare ask me for anything else, because I have nothing left to give you."

A cloud of dark purple, and she was home. Funny how she felt even worse here than she had in Emma's presence.


	8. Chapter 8

"What's it like, being in the army?"

It was the twenty-seventh question he'd asked today, and Riley was beginning to realize that Henry was ever curious. "Different for everyone, I suppose," she replied noncommittally. She knew he would force a satisfactory answer out of her eventually, but until that happened, she was content to stall. Talking about herself wasn't one of her strong suits. Or talking at all, really. She wasn't one of those leaders who gave big speeches to get everyone's heads in the game; she was more the 'I do, you follow, don't fuck up' type.

"For you, though. What was it like?"

Riley raised her eyes from the sidewalk to regard the setting sun. The sky was pink around it. "It wasn't too different from my life before joining, I guess. Follow orders or die. Sometimes follow orders and die." From where they were clasped behind her back, her fingers tightened their hold on each other. Was she meant to be censoring herself? "I think for some people, there's a real sense of camaraderie. I was never too interested in forging relationships, though."

"What were you interested in?"

"Getting by." The answer was so disgustingly honest it left a sour taste in her mouth.

By now they had reached Regina's house and they approached the door. Henry pushed it open, but stopped abruptly. The blue-eyed soul voices of the Righteous Brothers had drifted out to greet them.

"That's not good," Henry said, staring into the entrance way. He frowned. "Something must have happened. She only listens to this when she's sad."

"She just lost her soulmate, kid," Riley tried to reason with him.

"No." Henry shook his head. "It's not that. Something's wrong." With that, he entered the house with purposeful strides, allowing the sound of the music to lead him to his mother.

Riley followed. Henry seemed very certain that something wasn't right, and she trusted him enough that a feeling of unease settled in her gut. She had never been inside this house, but she didn't pay much attention to it as she went through the rooms and hallways. It was nice, but she'd grown up with nicer, and her mind was otherwise occupied anyway.

They came to what must have been Regina's study. There was a desk with organized stacks of papers and lots of books and a couch where Regina currently sat, staring into a glass of what looked to be scotch. She didn't seem to notice the presence of two new people, or if she did, she wasn't inclined to acknowledge them in any way.

Riley was still not convinced that this wasn't about Robin Hood's death, but she stayed in the doorway as Henry cautiously approached the withdrawn former queen.

"Mom?" he called softly. But Regina remained focused on the alcohol. Riley wondered if she'd even drank any or if she'd just been staring at it since she sat down. Henry gently removed it from her hand, and only then did she break from her trance-like state.

"Henry?" Regina's voice came out in a croak. Riley winced at the display of weakness. "I thought you were out with Ms. Thompson?" Brown eyes searched her son's face for an answer.

Henry crouched in front of her so he was just below Regina's eye level. The sweetness of the moment was not lost on Riley. He was regarding his mother with such care and tenderness, brow wrinkled in worry. "I was, but I'm back now," he said softly. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, of course. I was just…" Regina seemed at a loss. "Are you hungry, dear? I've prepared dinner. There is more than enough for Ms. Thompson to join us, if she would like."

It was the first time Regina showed that she was aware of Riley's presence. She was surprised at both the asseveration and the invitation, but she did not allow it to show. "I could eat," Riley accepted, knowing Henry would feel better having another person to help look after Regina while she was in such a fragile state.

Riley was beginning to think that this was less about Robin Hood and more about Emma. What else could explain why Emma wasn't here for her best friend? She didn't really care what exactly had happened, but whatever it was, Emma had better fix it soon. Regina was their best shot at surviving this war against the States. It wouldn't do for their best fighter to be out of commission because Emma fucked up.

Henry must have come to a similar conclusion because he didn't bring his other mother up once throughout the entire dinner, opting to tell her about the lessons he was receiving from Riley and the time he'd spent with her. Regina listened, hanging onto his every word, as if his voice was the only thing keeping her from falling back into whatever she'd been struggling with earlier. She even gave Riley her undivided attention whenever she spoke, acting as if they were friends or something.

They weren't friends. But if Regina wanted to pretend for a while, Riley would let her.

"You know Riley has a photographic memory?" Henry spoke casually, though his eyes hadn't paused in their search of Regina's face since he'd found her near catatonic. "She knows the randomest facts."

"Is that so?" Regina was looking down at her food as she cut a piece of chicken. "Care to share any, Ms. Thompson?"

Riley awkwardly speared some green beans with her dinner fork. Regina had set out both a dinner and a salad fork, reminding Riley of when she would eat dinner with her own parents, who pulled out all the stops for every meal. This was the fanciest dinner she'd eaten since - "They're really not that interesting," Riley attempted to avoid displaying her very lame knowledge of everything from toasters to the Bible. She felt like a circus attraction. _Come one, come all! See the human computer!_ Or maybe she would be called the human filing cabinet. Either way, she was reluctant to answer.

"Yeah, they are," Henry disagreed, turning to his mother. "Did you know plaid used to be called tartan? And that toothpaste dates back to, like, Ancient Egypt?"

Regina regarded Riley with an almost-amused smirk. The heavy sadness still hung about her, ruining the effect of the smile. "That is truly interesting. What else do you know?"

Riley resigned herself to answering, but before she even opened her mouth, the doorbell was rung. _Saved by the bell_. She watched as Regina's lips thinned and flattened, all happy pretense dropping at the sound. She knew who was at the door. Riley did too.

And so did Henry. "I'll get it," he said hurriedly. "You guys keep eating. I'll be right back."

Regina didn't respond, just stared down at her plate. Without her son in the room, she seemed much darker. Older. Sadder.

They could hear Henry greet Emma, but he slipped outside and shut the door behind him before beginning a conversation, leaving Riley and Regina in silence. Riley imagined someone else in her position would say something to comfort the displaced monarch. She didn't. What use would it be to pretend that anything she said could make Regina feel better?

Regina had given Riley this amazing speech. Riley didn't do speeches.

Riley didn't do feelings or friendships.

But she did owe the woman. She could deal with the suffocating silence; she couldn't deal with being in debt to someone.

"Do you want me to get her out of here?" Riley really didn't want to get into anything with Emma, but if it would make Regina feel better, she would.

Regina's gaze rose to meet hers. "You would do that?"

Riley nodded.

"Why?"

Moment of truth. "You really helped me out that day at the beach. Figure I owe you."

"You don't. Owe me, that is." Regina set her fork down. "And I am not afraid of Emma Swan. If I want her gone, I will send her away myself."

Riley lips tipped up at the corners. "I heard that didn't work out so well for you in the past."

Regina scowled at her. "Henry really needs to learn to keep his mouth shut," she groused. Then she switched topics so fast it left Riley feeling a little dazed. "You have impeccable posture. Did you learn that in the army?"

It took a moment for Riley to realize this was Regina's way of steering the conversation away from herself. And maybe she was trying to make Riley a little uncomfortable as payback for her comment. Riley was once again taken back to her childhood, when insults hid embedded in compliments and intentions were always, always disguised. "No," she replied. "I learned it long before that. And you? Did you learn proper posture before or after becoming queen?"

Regina narrowed her eyes. "Before." The word was laced with grudging respect at Riley's flawless turning of the tables. "I noticed your table manners are near perfect as well. Brought up wealthy, were you?"

Riley set her silverware down as well in favor of gripping her thighs just above her knees. "Money was certainly never an issue."

"And yet you ended up in the foster system? It must have been quite the shock."

"I wasn't in a position to be shocked by anything." Riley's eyes dropped to the table.

"Why was that?" Regina's voice, while it still contained a hard edge, was less insulting now. She was softening in her resolve to hurt Riley, maybe feeling guilty now that Riley wasn't actively trying to hurt her back.

"My parents made certain that I would be prepared for anything my future held, as I'm sure your mother did for you." Riley met Regina's gaze once again so she could be sure her words had the intended effect. "I think our childhoods may have been similar in more than one aspect."

Regina seemed to deflate slightly. "I'm sorry I brought it up," she confessed quietly. "I'm afraid I'm not sure how to act at the moment. I feel as if I am multiple people, each person wanting the same thing but differing on how to get it." She removed her napkin from her lap and sank into her chair, placing her head in her hand. "Please do not allow Henry to worry too much. He has enough worries without adding his mother to the list."

"I think it may be a bit late for that, Mills. He's off fighting your battles as we speak. And he's a perceptive kid. A good one. He's gonna worry about you. He loves you a lot, you know."

Regina hid her face, and Riley pretended not to hear her sniffle. "I know," she whispered. "I just hope I can protect him."

"I do too."


End file.
